and i need you now tonight, and i need you more then ever

Total Eclipse of the Heart : gLee Cast Version

Most days distractions are easy to come by and feelings are easy to hide, not only from the world but from my own mind and heart. Most days "fake it till you make it" is a legitimate and capable solution to solve most overly emotional situations. There are days though that are an exception to the norm, there are days that don't fit into the category of "most days". Days when even almost four months after a fact you can't pretend anymore.

Days such as today when its now my sixth performance in the last month and a half and I look into the audience as I'm about to begin and do not see the one smiling face that would make this show more amazing than the last. Days such as today when I am forced to relive memories because of the most ridiculous memory cue imaginable, and even though I want to hold onto each thought that comes flooding in my head, I know I can't because in the long run, it will just create more pain for me. Days such as today when after all of the other events of the day I sit on my bed staring at my phone, even if I've deleted your number to reduce temptation, I know I have it memorized backwards and forwards and could recall it in a heartbeat.

It's days such as today that I wish I just would have slept through, chose not to get out of bed and simply shut out the world to protect not only my mind but my heart.

I guess the great thing about days like today is that tomorrow is a new day. I will go to sleep tonight and when the sun peaks in the morning these thoughts, feelings, and emotions will be pushed once again to the back of my mind. Tomorrow, I will wake up and get ready to go to my seventh performance where I will look into the audience in hopes that it won't hurt as much as the last six times my number one fan wasn't there.

But for now, I will lay here wrapped up tight in my blankets hoping for a better day tomorrow, while finding my one thing to smile about in order to get me through. For now, I will keep that one re-assurance I have that I am not completely crazy close to my heart, where it will always belong. For now, I will close my eyes and let music drift me off to sleep where days such as today won't hurt anymore, and the hope of an easier tomorrow is stronger than ever.

"Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it." : Jacques Prévert